How to find a dom

D/s is a form of power play in which one person assumes the role of “dominant” or “top,” and the other person, who can be either male or female, assumes the role of “submissive” or “bottom.” The dominant partner has control over their submissive’s behavior, body, and emotions—they can order them around and even punish them if they misbehave. But not all D/s relationships involve punishment! Some people enjoy being submissive because it feels like a break from decision-making and responsibility.

Know what you want

If you don’t know what you want, how can someone else possibly give it to you? It’s important to be specific about what turns you on. If there’s something in particular that gets your motor running, say so! Even better: make a list of what turns on and offs for each kink or fantasy that comes to mind. This will help narrow down potential partners and ensure that everyone involved is having fun with their partners’ interests.

It can also be helpful for people looking for Doms/Dommes if they know what their limits are – both physically and emotionally–so as not only avoid potentially dangerous situations but also keep themselves from being disappointed when expectations aren’t met during playtime (or any other time).

Be specific about limits

Here’s the deal: if you want to find a dom, but you’re not sure what your limits are, then tell them.

  • Use the word “no.” If there’s something that doesn’t feel right for you–a request or activity that makes your stomach twist in knots–then say so. There is no shame in this! Doms understand that some people have preferences and likes/dislikes when it comes to sex, so don’t be afraid to be honest about what works for you and what doesn’t.
  • Ask questions before agreeing to anything new or unfamiliar. This goes back to being specific about what turns us on; if we’re unsure of something (like whether or not we’d like being slapped), just ask! It helps both parties figure out exactly what each person wants from their time together so they can get started with minimal discomfort later on down the line when things start getting hot and heavy between them

Talk about your boundaries, fantasies, and preferences

  • Talk about what you want.
  • Talk about what you don’t want.
  • Talk about your limits, fantasies and preferences in a non-judgmental way with your partner(s). A good dom will listen to what you have to say and respect it, but if they don’t, move on!

Have a safe word in case things get heated.

A safe word is a word or phrase that you can use to communicate with your partner while they’re engaging in BDSM activities. It’s important to have a safe word in case things get heated and you need to slow down, stop, or change course.

If you’re interested in exploring BDSM but unsure of where to start, ask questions! You should never feel pressured into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. Some people might think they have all the answers when it comes to BDSM, but there are still plenty of things we don’t know about each other’s bodies–and that’s okay!

When picking a dom, it’s important to know what you want and be specific about your limits.

When picking a dom, it’s important to know what you want and be specific about your limits. This can be a bit tricky because many people have fantasies and preferences that they don’t necessarily consider “limits” until they’re placed in front of them. But if those things aren’t part of the scene, then it could be disappointing for everyone involved.

It’s also important to talk about fantasies and preferences before doing anything else–even after negotiating boundaries and limits! This gives both parties an opportunity to get comfortable with each other before diving into sex play (or even heavy petting). You’ll have less awkwardness once all parties are aware of what they’d like out of the experience; this will make everything flow more smoothly from there on out!


Hopefully, this article has helped you understand the importance of finding a dom who is right for you. Remember that there are many different types of dommes and submissives out there, so don’t be afraid to experiment with different people until you find someone who clicks!